Did you notice that I said nothing about affection? Men don’t give a hoot about affection. We do. We want to be loved, cherished and adored. Men want to be honored. They want to be admired and respected. And girlfriend, they want great sex!
Even the Bible tells us to reverence our husbands, and by the same token, tells husbands to love their wives. See? Right there in Ephesians 5:33, God is telling us the difference in man and woman. He made us, so He should know.
I didn’t realize all of this during my first year of marriage. I was showering Craig with affection, which is what I thought would make him happy. After all, affection is what makes me happy.
Now, he on the other hand would make a lot of sexual advances toward me, which frustrated me and made me feel used. He made the sexual advances because he thought that’s what would make me happy. After all, that’s what makes him happy. Through my reading, I came to realize that I was frustrating Craig just as much with my showers of affection as he was frustrating me with too many sexual advances.
Now, he understands that I want to be held, hugged and kissed without it always turning into lovemaking. Now, he knows I like to hold hands in public. I love feeling cherished and special.
Once I communicated that to him, he understood the difference and knew what to do. But the most important thing I can say is, I made the necessary changes first, which made him want to please me. So, when I told him that I needed more affection, that’s what he sought to shower me with – love, kisses, hugs, gifts and much, much more. He just needed to be told what I wanted in a non-judgmental way.
To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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