A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #65

#1 (Part 4 of 4)
Expressing admiration has brought me the greatest joy in my marriage. When Craig and I talk, we have heart-to-heart conversations. You know how important good, satisfying conversation is to women. Now that Craig can feel my respect for him, he opens up more when we talk. He shares more of his feelings with me. He shares his dreams and desires with me, just like he did when we were dating. He does not fear me putting him down or making light of his thoughts and feelings. He knows I think highly of him, so he takes a chance on opening up to me. The more I respond by showing that I respect his feelings, the more he opens up.

The worst thing a woman can do is to make a man feel comfortable with sharing his deepest thoughts and feelings and then use something he said during an argument to hurt him. That right there can cause total shutdown to meaningful conversation – and even a meaningful relationship between a man and a woman. It’s sad, but it happens all the time.

I love it when Craig opens up and tells me about his day. The time we share in one-on-one dialogue is important to me. The fact that he shares about his day says a lot to me. It tells me that he likes to unwind and relax with me and that he doesn’t feel threatened or judged. When I compliment the way he handled a situation during the workday, it causes him to open up and trust me more. But if I feel he handled a situation wrongly at work, I don’t lie to him. Instead, I just keep my opinion to myself. I just concentrate on listening and allowing him to get what he has to say off of his chest. When I listen attentively, Craig returns the favor. He shows interest in my day.

There was one thing I realized after that first year – it’s fun to have someone with whom I can share my feelings. When people we know see us in a restaurant or at a party, they always comment on how much Craig and I seem to have to talk about. When we visit my grandmother, it’s the same thing. When my side of the family gathers for Thanksgiving, Craig and I enjoy sitting on the back porch talking. It never fails that after about 10 or 15 minutes, my grandmother hollers out the kitchen window, “Hey, you two! Come on in here. Ya’ll can do that at home.” And we always reply, “Okay Mama, here we come.” We end our conversation and go back in to join our family members only to be teased. “Here come the love birds,” and “Ya’ll must think you are still courting?”

Most wives don’t realize that their husbands are starving for admiration. Well, now you know! And now you know what to do; fill him up. Don’t tell me that he isn’t admirable. Search hard; it’s there. It may be that he doesn’t complain when the house isn’t neat, or that he irons his own shirts. You’ll find something!

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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