A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #72

#3 (Part 3 of 3)
Listen, I have never been the “other woman.” But I do know if I was the “other woman” just what I would do to try to lure Craig or any man from his wife. I believe it’s instinct. At the same time, it’s exactly what I didn’t do during our first year of marriage.

If I were the “other woman,” I would know what to do to get and keep his attention. I would even say that nine times out of ten, my tactics would work. For one thing, I would always show my interest in the conversation, whether we were on the telephone or in person. A few years back, there was a time when I answered the phone only to hear Clayton say, “Oh, that must be daddy.” After I hung up the telephone, I asked how he knew it was his father. He explained, “Because you always talk like that when daddy is on the phone.” I asked, “Like what?” He smiled as he said, “Low and sweet.”

As the “other woman,” I would also make sure that he is comfortable and relaxed in my presence. When I open the door to let him in, I would greet him with a warm sexy smile and a heartfelt kiss. I would also add an, “I’ve missed you,” just to confirm my actions. When we were dating and trying to “catch” our men, we gave them the best of ourselves. But after marriage, we give our best to others – people at work, our friends, our extended family. We give our men our leftovers, and we barely even offer them a smile.

How do you think your husband feels when you hang up the phone to announce that someone is on her way over and you run around the house for 10 to 15 minutes trying to make the place presentable? I’m sure he remembers a time when you went through the extra effort for him. Like I said, after marriage, we give our men our leftovers.

After I looked at my role as a wife from a different point of view, I made up my mind to give my husband the best me I have to offer. Remember the old saying, “What you did to get them, you have to do to keep them.” That is exactly what I want to do – keep him. I am nowhere near perfect, but the effort does pay off.

Now that I know the Simple Sacrifices, I have a goal to continually work toward. I don’t look at the Simple Sacrifices as something I have to do, but rather as something I choose to do. I choose to do the things that bring Craig joy in his home and with me. The wonderful thing about all this is that when I changed, Craig changed, too. When I returned to the attitudes I held while we were dating, Craig followed. We show mutual respect, admiration and love for one another. I do what I do for Craig because I know both the benefits and the consequences if I don’t.

What I do for Craig, I do out of love. The Simple Sacrifices give me a better way to live my life with my soulmate and my friend for life. I want the best for my best friend, and he is certainly worth my efforts.

All the changes I have made since that first year have not only made me a better me, but they have definitely brought out the best in him. His co-workers and friends often comment, “Craig, you always seem so happy! What’s your secret?” His secret is his relationship with God and his self-confidence in knowing that he is important to someone – to me, his children and himself.

As hard as it was, I learned a lot from our first year of marriage, and I’m thankful for that. You know, it’s strange, but before Chloè was born, I bought books about being an effective parent. Yet I waited until after my marriage was in trouble to pick up a book on how to be a good mate.

Yes, we ladies want our men to be perfect. We want them to know what to say, how to say it, and when and where to say it. We want them to know what to do, when to do it and how to do it. We want their best. Why can’t they expect the same from us?

I treat my family as royalty. Craig is the king, I am the queen and Chloè and Clayton are the princess and prince. Our home is our castle, and therefore is kept orderly and comfortable. The prince and the princess are groomed by the king and queen to one day become keepers of their own castle. They are taught mutual love and respect by example. That is how I rationalize our family structure.

I once thought everything should be 50/50 with two heads of the household. I’ve learned that two heads of the household cannot operate a happy home. Don’t get me wrong now. There is a difference between happy and functional. A purely functional home is a boring home. I know. I’ve been there. When I treat Craig like a king, he in turn treats me like a queen. I would rather be treated like a special queen rather than like a business partner. I did not like being an ordinary married couple. Ordinary is boring. Special is spectacular!

Of course, there are many other royal couples in the world. My best girlfriend shares a lot of the same views about marriage. They go out of their way to make each other happy. You can tell he is content – even happy – in his marriage. There is nothing in his power that he would not do for his wife. She is another blessed woman, and she knows it. Of course, she does her part too.

You would think they were still dating instead of being married. They are not pretentious people. Rather, they are just living a love affair. Anyone who is around them for more than a few minutes can see the love and respect they have for each other. Her man is the king of his castle, and he does not take his responsibility lightly. She is his queen, and he treats her like royalty.
Another woman would not have a chance. He can’t even notice another woman because he is too busy adoring and catering to his wife. The royal family has a new addition – their little prince (and my godson). I’m sure his life will be blessed from having such a wonderful example of love and respect.

Women just do not realize what a powerful role we have in the family structure. We are so busy trying to take the power from the man that we don’t use the power we have to our full advantage. Women have the power to mold children into responsible adults, the power to encourage our men and the power to brighten our loved ones’ day. Our children and our husbands can tackle the day better when they know they are important to and loved by us. I know that makes my day go better.

I’m not going to debate with you on this one. You have to remember I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Women who want to be equal with their husbands want a roommate, not a happy marriage. When I realized that my husband was unhappy and I was the lock that kept him there, I wanted to find the key. That key was to give my husband support at home by providing an atmosphere of peace and quiet.

Now, if your husband is an abuser or an alcoholic or someone like that, then I wouldn’t know what to tell you to do; I wouldn’t even try. But, otherwise, if you have the desire, you can work your situation out. You have to remember, I’ve been applying these principles for over 27 years.

When I first started, I wasn’t comfortable so I took things slow. But as I applied a few of the principles here and there and saw the positive results, my love for my husband compelled me to do more.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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