A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #75

#5 (Part 1 of 2)
On to my next point, do you accept your man for who he is? It’s more than just putting up with him. Or are you trying to change him?

This was one of my biggest problems during my first year of marriage, but I’m sure I’m not alone. I don’t know why we women feel the need to make our husbands over, but many of us do. Was he not good enough in the beginning? Did we marry him just to have a project to work on? Now, if Craig had tried to change me, he would have had a rebellious young lady on his hands, and that’s putting it mildly.

I guess when I tried to change Craig, it made me feel perfect; that is until I heard Craig say he would change if that’s what I really wanted. Was that what I really wanted? No, it was not, and I am glad he didn’t change. I don’t think I ever realized that I was trying to change him.

He did, though. He was constantly bombarded with questions. “Why did you…? Why would you…? Why didn’t you…? Where are you going? Why? Why don’t you…? Why do you have to do that? Why did you do it like that? Why are you doing that? Why can’t you just…? Why don’t you spend more time with me? Why did you put that there?” If I were in his shoes, I would feel like he was trying to change me, too.

I honestly had not realized that I was phrasing most of what I said to Craig in a critical way. I just thought of it as two people making conversation, you know? I ask a question and he answered it – conversation. But living with criticism is cruel and unusual punishment. And I’ve had to be careful of this with my children, too.

Once I realized what I had been doing with my words, it was not hard to change. I knew that I loved Craig for the man he was. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was how I said what I said, and what I did not say. I guess that was another case of, “I know you know I accept you or why else would I have married you? So instead, I’ll just tell you the things I don’t like about you.” How terrible!

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
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