A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #69

#2 (Part 4 of 4)
I remember one time when the kids were small, we made a fun-filled memory that will go down in our family history. It was the Smith Family Restaurant. It started while I was hanging around the house one Saturday, feeling like I needed a lift. I thought to myself, “If I’m feeling like I’m in a rut, I know Craig probably is too.” I prayed for God to help me spread a little joy in my home, and I thanked God for His answer in advance. Then I went on about my business. Before I knew it, an idea was flooding through my mind.

I cooked a big dinner – pot roast with onions and carrots, fresh green beans with new potatoes, cream corn and cornbread muffins. While dinner was cooking, I took three pieces of construction paper, folded them in half and made three menus. The front of the menus said, “Smith Family Restaurant.” On the inside, I wrote “menu” at the top, and then I listed each item we were going to have for dinner. To the side of each item, I described the dish and included the price. “Delicious pot roast smothered in onions and carrots… $5.” Fresh lemonade was under beverages and gelatin was listed for dessert.

When dinner was almost ready, I told the family that I was preparing a special dinner for them, so they needed to take a bath and put on something nice. I told them to get ready and added, “Whatever you do, don’t come out until I call you.” I looked at Craig and said, “Please, pretty please!” He agreed and then I was off to help Clayton pick out the suit he had almost outgrown.
While they were dressing, I set the dining room table with our best china and candles. Then I gave each one some play money and reminded them not to come out until I called. “What is this money for?” they asked. I said, “You’ll see!”

I went back to the kitchen and put my apron on. Next, I put on one of Craig’s classical albums to play soft, sophisticated music. I lit the candles and picked up a pencil, a small note pad and the three menus. After turning off all the lights, I invited them in.

I could hear the bedroom doors opening and their mumbles as they made their way down the hallway. As they came toward the dining room, they saw the big sign over the dining room door. “Right this way, please,” I said as I ushered them into the dining room. You would not have believed your eyes; my son actually pulled the chair out for his sister. Don’t tell me kids don’t learn from watching their parents.

When they were all seated, I passed out the menus. I stood back to let them make their selections, and then I took their orders. I took up their menus and went to the kitchen to prepare their plates. I could hear Craig saying, “That’s right, Angel. Your napkin goes on your lap.” Then he asked Clayton, “So, son, what did you do outside today?” As Clayton was finishing his answer, I was serving dinner. Craig and Chloè said, “Wow! This looks good!” Then Clayton said, “I didn’t order green beans.” I replied, “The chef said for you to eat all of your vegetables, because she made them especially for you.” I stood back while they ate, and I brought lemonade and gelatin as needed. Craig tried to get me to sit down and eat, but I wanted to play my role until the end. It was so much fun!

When they finished eating, I gave them each a bill. After they paid their bill with their play money, Clayton asked Chloè, “Would you like to dance?” Chloè giggled and said, “I’d love to.” Can you believe that? And Craig said, “I’d like to have this dance with the best waitress in the world.” You know I obliged. I tell you, that turned out to be a magical evening. We made memories… precious memories.

Being fun to be with goes along with sharing quality time together. Be a good recreational partner. Learn to enjoy the things your husband enjoys, or at least be a pleasant participant. If he is sharing his love for a certain sport or activity with you, even if you don’t enjoy the activity, enjoy his enthusiasm. Enjoy him! He’ll be glad he’s with you.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
Remember, I love hearing your comments!

A Sharing of Marital Secrets- Excerpt #68

#2 (Part 3 of 4)
It’s not what you do; it’s how you do it. Anybody can slip off from home for awhile and go somewhere to sit and talk. What you talk about, your tone of voice and your mannerisms are what’s important. Forget about the past due bills or bad report cards. Instead, treat those times like a special date. Keep the conversation pleasant.

By the time we got back home, Craig and I were both relaxed and ready to enjoy some time with the kids. We could all relax and do the things we each liked to do.

When the kids were much younger, we had what we called quiet time. From seven until eight o’clock, the kids would read, write or do whatever in their own rooms. Craig and I would spend this time just being together, whether we watched television, read the newspaper or a book, talked or whatever. It was a quiet, relaxing and pleasant time. That was “our time” for many years. Even when the kids were preteens and their Saturday schedules made us feel like a taxi service, we made the best of it. We enjoyed pleasant conversation and being in each other’s company.

Remember when you were dating? You didn’t care where you were going nor what you were going to do. You just wanted to be together because you had fun. You smiled a lot, which showed your date that you were enjoying his company.

Another advantage to being fun loving is that when you become upset about something, your husband knows it instantly. He can tell because the smile or pleasant look is not there. Wanting the fun to resume, he will want to know what’s wrong. You don’t have to walk around angry for weeks thinking he doesn’t care. Even now, he probably does care, but he just doesn’t know when you are really angry, because that’s the way you look all the time. Men cannot read our minds, we have to send out messages that are loud and clear.

Sometimes being pleasant can be next to impossible. Back when I suffered severely from PMS, I reassured Craig that my demeanor wasn’t his fault. I stuck to myself more and apologized a lot. I let him know what’s going on, and he’s always understanding. For me, I have seen firsthand how being fun to be with can enrich a person’s life.

In my opinion, life is not like a box of chocolates – not ever knowing what you are going to get. I see myself as the confectioner – the maker of the chocolates. That first year of marriage, I tried my hand at making chocolates for Craig as a gift. They were not to his liking, but because they were a gift from someone he loved, he did not mention how bad they tasted. He did not want to hurt my feelings, and he even tried to eat them. Slowly, he stopped trying them at all. And one day, he confided in me. “I don’t like the chocolates you gave me.” At the notice of disapproval, I went to candy-making school and learned all I could.

Through my years of experience, trial and error and regular solicited criticism, Craig now enjoys his boxes of candy. Since I am the confectioner, I know what I put into my chocolates. A few are filled with admiration, a few with fun, and so on. If I know the ingredients used to make my candies, then I know what I can expect back. I grant you that sometimes a piece of candy may not come out as expected, but experience is the teacher. The point is for me to continue to deliver the best chocolates, filled with a variety of the best ingredients I can give.

Listen, don’t let the other woman out do you in this area. Being fun to be with is actually as much of a benefit for you as it is for him. Laughter and light-heartedness are good for the physical body, and they are good for the soul. “A merry heart does good, like medicine.” Proverbs 17:22. You know? This is your life, too. What you do for others, you should do for yourself, too.

I told you earlier about how I make Craig bubble baths with candles on all four corners of the tub? Well, I do the same thing for myself sometimes. I enjoy me. When I enjoy me, everyone benefits.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
Remember, I love hearing your comments!

A Sharing of Marital Secrets-Excerpt #67

#2 (Part 2 of 3 )
When I realized what I had become, I started being fun to be with, and I started to enjoy my marriage much more. See? What you put in, you get back out. Put in fun, get fun back.

To start practicing this principle, I began by returning to the mindset I had when we were dating. I had to intend to be fun to be with – not for a certain time period or until a certain date, but for the rest of our married life. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t turn into a bubbling bimbo.
Instead, I wanted to ensure that if Craig and I were shipwrecked on a deserted island, he would be happy that it was with me that he got marooned.

I really do want our life together to be an adventure, filled with wonderful memories. Sometimes I fall short, but because of the effort, we have beautiful times together. My main goal is that whatever we are doing, I want it to be fun.

My outlook and the way I react to life, rubs off on my kids. I want them to know how to enjoy life and be responsible adults in the process. I hope they have learned from me that if they want to really enjoy life and focus their energy on that, then nine times out of ten, they will succeed at reaching that goal.

It’s just like our high school days and getting ready for a special party. Remember how much fun it was planning what you were going to wear? Remember the anticipation? Think about it. Did you leave home intending to have a good time or a bad time? That’s why I say that it’s up to you.

As our kids grew older and they were able to be at home alone for short periods of time, I was able to add new dimension to our adventures. When Craig arrived home after an extra rough day at work, I often suggested that we go somewhere and relax for a little while. With the kids at home, we usually ended up at one of the neighborhood restaurants and spent an hour talking over an appetizer.

To Be Continued... Copyright 2000 by Abby Gail Smith (pen name of Robbie S. Redmon) All rights reserved.
Remember, I love hearing your comments!